So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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