Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The air was thick with penises
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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