apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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