I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?