he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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