I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
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i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana