You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
