And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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