you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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