i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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