dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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