Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
