I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
