when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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