Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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