regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize