I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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