My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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