when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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