my mouth tastes like poor choices
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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