using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
