i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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