I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize