fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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