You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
