Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
