It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
