Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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