Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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