"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
