he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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