he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
