did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
