My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
