No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
