Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
