I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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