you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
