don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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