My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i've created a new STD.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
