We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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