Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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