id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
