omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
