My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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