Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
