Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
