You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
