3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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