So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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