We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
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He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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