last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize