Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
