Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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