He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am one with the molecules
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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