Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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