Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
