Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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