Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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