I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
