i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fuck appropriateness.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
