ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
