my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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